


At Walmart

by Arcticmist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Embarrassment, F/M, Inspired by Real Events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcticmist/pseuds/Arcticmist
Summary: Mulder, Scully, and Skinner have an embarrassing encounter at Walmart.  Based on a true, horrifically embarrassing story of when someone sees you buying rather intimate purchases.





	At Walmart

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on true events and an anon message (the post in which I talk about a period of time from my past that includes the inspiration can be found here: http://driftingthroughtheskies.tumblr.com/post/169847968848). And an anon said that they want to have a similar scene. I can deliver on that in fic form. 
> 
> Obviously, I had to edit the original story a bit to fit this premise. This ficlet can be enjoyed by itself without reading that post or you can read the post at any point. 
> 
> Also, the historical facts mentioned about Agnes Bowker are correct. I read about the story in a book, and I thought it would be fun to write Mulder and Scully debating about it. 
> 
> If you’re wondering why Scully and Mulder would be using condoms if Scully is apparently barren, just go with it. I envisioned this being more of an original run piece. Also, safe sex is important no matter what. And perhaps this is before Scully knew she was barren.
> 
> This is un-betad and written quickly. I may edit more later, but all mistakes are my own.

**“At Walmart”**

Sometimes, a person just instinctively knows something to be true. No evidence or confirmation is required. Instead, an individual’s intuition just leads them to a seemingly obvious conclusion. For instance, Assistant Director Walter Skinner just knew that Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully were having sex and could very well have fallen in love. How could anyone see the looks those two exchanged and not recognize a deeper connection than that between mere coworkers and friends?

Of course, Skinner would have never said anything. He knew the FBI forbid that sort of relationship between partners. However, as much as he was hesitant to admit it, Skinner was quite fond of Mulder and Scully. Sure, they were a pain in his ass at times, but they were his pains in the ass. Plus, they were both fine agents and their relationship did not seem to negatively affect their work. He saw no reason that either of their careers should be harmed by a sex scandal.

If Skinner had been one of his more gossipy, speculative colleagues, he might have joined in the endless speculation as to whether Mulder and Scully were having sex. He really didn’t need or desire any sort of “proof.”

Of course, proof is what he got anyway.

It was a normal Sunday when Skinner arrived at the local Walmart. He typically didn’t like this store, an opinion that most people seem to share to some degree. Of course, that doesn’t stop millions of people from actually shopping at the store’s many locations. No matter where you went in America, there always seemed to be at least one Walmart in the area. Regardless, Skinner was there to purchase some lightbulbs. He expected it to be a very mundane, ordinary shopping trip like any other.

And it was ordinary, at least until he got in the checkout line.

Deep in conversation, Mulder and Scully stood in front of him. They were bantering back and forth, clearly debating on some phenomena. Both agents seemed lost in their friendly debate.

“But Mulder, you can’t just give birth to a cat!” Scully protested.

“It’s in the historical record. Documents clearly indicate that Agnes Bowker gave birth to a cat in 16th century England. They even have a drawing of the dead cat that survives to this day,” Mulder responded.

“But it’s scientifically impossible! Humans just don’t give birth to felines. If contemporaries believed in it, we can attribute that to the lack of scientific knowledge,” Scully explained.

“Still, it’s reported to have happened. They even did an autopsy on the cat’s body.”

“Some people alive at the time dismissed it. Bowker was an unmarried, single mother in a time where that was highly stigmatized,” Scully explained. “I don’t want to make false assumptions, but it isn’t unthinkable that she could have killed or somehow gotten rid of the child because she was in a frankly awful situation.”

“Then explain the dead cat, Scully.”

Scully rolled her eyes, “Oh my. Come on, Mulder. She was probably working with the other women at the scene. There are plenty of cats in England. They probably killed the baby, hid the body, and then stole and killed someone’s pet. If someone today claimed to have given birth to a cat, would you believe it?”

“I’d at least consider the plausibility of it. We’ve seen stranger events, so who’s to say a woman couldn’t give birth to a cat?”

“The very principles of science, Mulder. Is there anything completely ridiculous that you won’t believe in,” Scully laughed, and Mulder smirked in response.

“Well Scully, is there anything extraordinary that you might not dismiss?” Mulder joked playfully.

Suddenly, Mulder and Scully noticed Skinner standing near them. As if on cue, the blood seemed to drain from the two agents’ faces. They seemed stricken with embarrassment and fear.

Perplexed as to their reaction, Skinner said hello. Then, he saw it.

In the blue shopping basket lay a box of condoms and a bottle of lube.

Wordlessly, Mulder and Scully shared a look of embarrassment and an urgent sense of panic. Neither had to speak because their facial expressions so clearly detailed what they were thinking: _“Oh shit! We know him!”_

Quickly, Skinner shuffled to another checkout line. Being careful to avoid any more awkward interactions, he left the store as quickly as possible.

On Monday, Skinner would add a rather large addition to the office-betting poll although he would never openly admit to this. Still he saw no reason to avoid profiting off his correct instincts. Besides, he had the strongest proof of all even if none of the others would ever know.


End file.
